Generational Curses: A stripper mother’s day story

Disclaimer: This topic may trigger you. These are stories of my experience and journey. I am not a psychologist.

The known conspirarcy for why strippers become is strippers is always about having daddy issues. What I’ve learned from years of stripping is that there are way more women with mother issues than father. Growing up I was seen as the demon child. I was famous in my family for my tantrums. By 6th grade, I let that go all thanks to my mom. She would always record me during my tantrums then show it to the whole family so that everyone could laugh at me. It embarrassed me so much that I straightened up. But by 6th grade depression hit. I cried so hard during gym class because I thought I had no friends. When I got home the first person I told was my mother. The next day she mocked me with “Boo hoo! I don’t have any friends” joined with hand movements meant to mock crying. Something like a bully would do. This is when I learned I couldn’t trust my feelings or emotions with my mom and that I would be a better parent and have respect for my kids emotions. If you’re thinking this is some lovey dovey story about my mother, you’re wrong. This story is about the generational curse within families between mother and daughter.

What is a generational curse you say? A generational curse is basically a defilement that was passed down from one generation to another. In my reality, it’s due to narcissism and toxic behavior that has been pushed upon my family from generations of slavery and oppression. Which is why holding on to our culture is important to us because our ancestors were forced to lose their identities and act like people they weren’t. Biblical people like to justify generational curses from a script in the bible referencing, “ Ham’s Curse”. They like to say, “God cursed Ham and his descendants” but in reality the bible says “Noah cursed Cannan, Ham’s son” without any details may I add. They like to leave out that all were brothers and blessed by God. The bible is another tool men in power used to manipulate those into hating people of color. It was also used to tame afro americans and manipulate the mind to hating ourselves and each other. I could go on all day about this but I’m going to stop it right here and move forward.

My mother has a toxic father. The type of father who would beat his children with anything nearby if disobeyed. My grandfather picked cotton as a job. His behavior and habits were a product of slavery. I get where her narcissism comes from. It comes from a lifetime of trauma that we inflict upon each other. Children learn by seeing then doing. This trauma is not meant to be inflicted upon each other. It’s meant to be addressed and healed. This has taught me that as much as I love my mother that breaking these generational curses through my son is way more important to me than keeping toxic cycles. If I am around that much toxicity, I will get reeled back in. Destroying all progress. That doesn’t mean I’ve turned my back on her. Just means I’m no longer falling for the bullshit. Like when I was younger my mother used to cut my real hair then swear she didn’t know only to continue what she was doing and cut my braids even shorter. That’s when I started watching my aunt braid and learned how to do my own hair. Once I learned how to do my own hair she would try to get me to do hers. This would always be a trap. She would never have anything nice to say when I was done. She’d always complain how bad I did and how I messed up. She called it tough love then continued to ask if I could do her hair. She was always finding ways to mess with me. She would always say I never listen and go on to tell others the same so that they could form judgement on me before getting to know me. Triangulating is what she does best. She uses this as a revenge tactic. My mother’s love is conditional, so anything I do that she doesn’t approve of is seen as betrayal to her. She finds people who she believes I’m close to and starts an argument that will somehow have something to do with me and manipulate those people into no longer wanting to be around me or listen. I can not tell you exactly where this stems from but I can tell you how to break that curse. Read to the end. I know that there are ppl who have been through way worse than me. The pain remains the same.

My mom has potential but whenever she tries she rejects it and returns back to her ways. You will never see this side of her unless you are paying close attention. She hides in public. But when she’s called out, she victimizes herself. She’s deep in the cycle. In order to break these curses, you must try to understand your parents childhood. Ask them questions about their parents or guardians and lineage to understand the cycle. My mother was born in the era where women in our family were taught to cater to men and the men abused their women. It’s still happening till this day. My mother had her own curses to break. She broke poverty, gained independence as a black woman, wisened her choice in men (aka my dad). Yes I’m a daddy’s girl. My mother was a tom boy and fought many battles but in the end couldn’t fight the narcissism within the family. I endured mental and emotional abuse until I started to get older, she expressed more physical altercations. I have a certain mentality when it comes to breaking bad habits in order to break curses. I must break these curses so that my son, nieces, nephews, and baby cousins can focus on their journeys and another set of bad habits to break so that the family can build and move forward. If we don’t, we’ll find ourselves in another generational cycle trying to break the same bad habits that came with this curse.

Most families of all races have generational curses. It’s not just an afro-american thing. I feel that caucasians have a deeper hole to dig. They have the type of narcissism that if they’re not in the center of attention then it’s not important. Always putting themselves in causes that have nothing to do with them. Alway feeling a need to call the cops on others because they weren’t invited. It’s as if insecurities rule these types of behaviors. No one is really ready to be alone with their thoughts which is why these issues won’t fully be addressed. My family has picked up on some of these toxic behaviors. Which is why mom would always buy me black barbie dolls and teach me black history so that I wouldn’t get lost in the sauce. What I try to do differently as a parent is communicate truth and love to my son. I encourage him to call me out, because I know I’m not perfect. We meditate, I allow him to cry. You’d be astonished at how much healing crying can do. I guide him through shadow work. The men in our family have their own generational curse that he will have to conquer in his lifetime. This family has been stagnant for too long and if I have the tools to break such curses, I will use them and teach my son to use them. You can not break a generational curse without working on yourself first.

Feel Free to vent or have futher discussion in the comments.